As You Sleep in My Arms
by leoxyz
Summary: Rei contemplates her unrequited love for Usagi...


Scenario: Usagi is troubled over who is truly the most important person in her heart, Mamoru or Seiya. Unable to face either Mamoru or Seiya, she flees to Rei's temple. Seeing the pleading look in Usagi's eyes, Rei welcomes her without further questions, understanding the situation perfectly. Usagi is unable to rest with all the confusion in her head so Rei offers to stay beside her until Usagi is able to sleep. Usagi falls asleep in Rei's arms, and as Rei holds the troubled Usagi in the dark of the night, her own feelings come to surface...

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I've watched over you, always right by your side, and watching you now, sleeping so innocently in this dark room next to me, I cannot help but let my thoughts stray...

As your protective Senshi, I am with you even more than the prince, yet I am still unable to reach you.

I envy those who openly court your attention, an obvious road for one who is forbidden from that act. Not even allowed to be true to my feelings or true to you, it tortures me.

If i were to chase after your affections and strive to make them mine, it would go against all that I, as a Sailor Senshi, stand for. I must not be selfish and creat difficulties for you, because i exist for your existance and could not hope for a day when you would exist for me. As your protector, I cannot contribute to your confusion, I must stand by you as you clear through your path. However envious I am of those who freely confess to you, I know I must endure and keep these feelings to myself.

How long ago since I stopped viewing you as our princess and wished for you to only be my princess I do not know. As far as my memory takes me back, this affliction of wishing for your attention has bounded me to you more strongly than you could imagine. If it were only as simple as giving my life to you in the dedication of protection, but that is not what I want. What I truly wish for is to forever live by your side, even if all others were to disappear one by one, if only I could stay by your side, I would be content.

But that is not as you wish.

Only an impossible dream of mine.

It hurts to know that there is not even the faintest possibility that I could take the place of the one you need most. To know that the one who could make your heart tremble in uncertainty would never be me. The one who glories in both your tears of joy and sadness is not the one who is holding your hand in comfort now, it is not me. Though it is an idiotic question, I always end up asking "Why is it never me?" only to receive the mortifying answer when I see your heart through your eyes.

Why must you be so far away, so unatainable? Why must I subject myself to the torture of wanting you for myself? Is there no cure?

But, to be cured is not what I truly want. What I wish for is to erase all others from your heart so that I can occupy that spot alone. I want my reflection to shine from your eyes always. I want to be able to move you to smile with a smile of my own. I want you to love all of me as I unconditionally love you.

Impossible wishes which will never come true.

Why must I be a Senshi instead of the prince? Is destiny so cruel as to enjoy playing with one's feelings like this? Why do I have such feelings if they can never be returned?

I have come to learn to exist for you and give my life to serving you, even if there is nothing in return for me.

But moments like this, when you come to me for direction and no-one else, this must give me some comfort. Sadly, this is all I can do. To reassure you when you are lost, to give you sanction from you demanding world. I must be happy if I mean so much to you that you would come to me. That only I am able to offer you peace, I must be happy.

But this peace is only temporary, and I know once you wake up, you will return to your worries, worries that I can do nothing about. Even if you come to me like this, even if I think I should be happy for that, why am I always sad in the end?

So just for now, while I offer to you all that I am able to offer, let me take some small comfort in the knowledge that it is I who am by your side, I and no-one else. For tonight only, I will embrace you as you sleep, protectively and endearingly, even if you see it as nothing more than an embrace of a friend, this is the embrace of one who loves you above all others. If only I could at least join you in your dreams, allow my feelings to reach you there...

But a tear escapes your lidded eyes, revealing the truth that even in your dreams, there is no place for me. As bitter a truth as it is, or should i say, exactly because that is so, I must cherish this chance to have you so close to me. Perhaps, from the throbbing of my heart to the gentle flutter of yours, my true feelings may be conveyed...only if wishes came true...

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I hope my little one-shot was satisfactory. I appologize for any spelling or grammar errors I made, but since I don't have Microsoft Word, I'm using Notepad and don't have the spell/grammar check at my disposal.

This was a bit of a spur of the moment thing and I wasn't really intending to write this (though I have considered a ReixUsagi pairing for a while), I was originally planning on writing a SeiyaxUsagi story instead. The story was going to be set almost one year after the battle against Chaos. Mamoru went to Harvard as originally planned, Usagi gets word that he plans to stay longer than a year as his appointed return date approaches, Seiya comes back during the last year of their high school career with a solo debut, and all of this from Rei's perspective. Well, that was the plan, but then I was having trouble coming with ideas of how to make a wholesome story out of that because even though I know what I want from the overall story, I don't know about the small stuff that I should support the story with. Like the stuff that should happen while Seiya and Usagi redevelop their relationship...stuff like that, i guess.

So if you enjoyed this little dallop of a fic, please review and give me some feedback on what I should include if I really do go through with a SeiyaxUsagi fic!

Thank you for reading!! 


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